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“Before I could plan my son's fifth birthday party next month, my husband had to put a request in to make sure he would not be put on duty that weekend and miss it,” Perkins said.

Her husband's schedule is set only a month in advance and it's very hard for him to change it.

We had even agreed that I should be the primary breadwinner [now that he's retired] because I have the academic background.” 5.

Military couples can't plan anything in advance -- not even their kids' birthday parties -- which can continually test their marriages.

This situation enables those serving to socialize with and date individuals who live near the base and others who live in the country where troops are stationed.“Any day that you absolutely need to have off, you should request a leave day," she said."You cannot make plans until it is approved." "And even then they can withdraw your leave if they need you to work, regardless of what you have planned," Perkins said.“I had a squadron command that was very demanding, so [Tom] took up the slack at home," recalled Di Silverio, who has been married 19 years to her husband, an Air Force reservist."It was very challenging for him to take on that role with virtually no support system in a foreign country," she said."A lot of military spouses have trouble with their sense of identity, especially when the kids get older.It's especially hard on men who are socialized to get such a large part of their sense of self from their careers." But, just because the career of a military spouse takes precedence at one point, that doesn't mean it always will."Whenever folks learn that I am the wife of a military veteran, they always ask for my husband to be the person that they hire," she said."It's ironic because my husband does not want to be the primary breadwinner now; he wants to go to school to get his bachelor's degree.The frequent interaction outside of their own circle allows servicemen and women to be more accepting and nondiscriminatory, as learning about a variety of cultures creates greater understanding and decreases discrimination. In honor of Memorial Day, we talked to four military spouses about what what their marriages are really like, especially when one spouse is far away or in combat.

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